btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
