I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You ruined the universe
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize