Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just googled if crying burns calories
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
