thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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