This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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