i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I look excited, but its just a facade.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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