How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
