wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
