What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
