i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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