Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Randomize
