Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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