some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
