I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
