Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
