I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
