is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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