i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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