She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
