Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
tell me about the fingering
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
