I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
