I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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