No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Houston, we have a blender
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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