Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
