It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
