Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
