I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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