apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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