im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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