i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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