i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
