You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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