She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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