we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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