hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
