I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
