I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
