wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
