After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
