Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
