Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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