how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
