Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
