Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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