very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
