i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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