I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize