I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
