AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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