i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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