The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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