dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
