'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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