Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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