They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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