The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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