I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
