Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
