Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
