i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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