She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize