bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
