her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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