If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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